Come here, Kitty kitty
by JoJo1
Summary: Something strange is going on in the mansion. What's that noise?


Category/Pairing: Well, this is as silly as it gets...  
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine today either. Not a single thing here. Not the X-men themselves or this perversion of them...  
Archive: WRFA, Dolphin Haven and whereever if you ask first.  
Feedback: Sure, bring it on.  
Author's notes: Due to popular demand...the sequel to "The End". The Red Dwarf/X-men combo... I don't think this one's as   
good but it's setting the scene a little to part three.  
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Logan woke up, desperately thinking that last day had been a nightmare. That he wasn't all alone in the spooky old mansion   
with just a computer-senile version of Xavier and a hologramatic Scooter.   
He opened his eyes and realized, no it hadn't been a nightmare. Not if that image of Xavier on the TV-set in the opposite   
wall was anything to go by.   
  
"Wake up Logan. This is your alarm-call. Beeep."   
"I'm awake. And why can't you let me sleep anyway?"   
  
Wheels looks around from side to side, anywhere but directly at Logan really before admitting   
"You know, I forgot what I came to tell you."   
"Can't have been that important then can it?"   
  
That's when a loud bang comes from down below. Far down below and whatever had caused the bang was so strong that the   
impact hurled Logan out from his bed.   
  
"Oh yeah. That's it. Someone's in the basement and is trying to get out of there with the aid of all the explosives down   
there."   
  
"Thanks for the warning!" comes from the doorway, where Scooter now can be seen and he follows up with "You're as much use   
as condom dispenser in the Vatican".   
Logan, much to his own surprise, agrees with Scooter and asks "Wheels, what's wrong with you? You're supposed to have an   
IQ of 6000".   
"That's not so much. It's only the IQ of 3000 parking attendants. But I resent the remark that there's something wrong   
with me! I'm the most sophisticated computer ever made and am as close as you gets to being unfullible."   
"Infallible."   
"Exactly!"   
  
Logan storms off and Scooter shouts after him "Where are you going?"   
"Down to the basement of course, to see what's really going on down there. You comin'?"   
  
Scott thinks that over. It might be dangerous down there, but on the other hand...being alone with that annoying   
computer is the worse fate.   
  
A short while later, down in the basement.   
  
Logan and Scooter stands infront of a massive door, apparently opened by the use of ones hand on the middle of it. Logan   
puts his hand there and the door opens slightly when suddenly it stops and a recording starts playing.   
  
"This is Wheels. If anyone ever comes down here, don't open this door! Some things are not meant to be seen, especially   
if it's you Logan or you Scott."   
  
Logan tries again. In vain. The door doesn't budge a freakin' inch. "Wheels! Open the door!"   
"You heard the man. That bloke knows what he's doing."   
"Just open it damn it!"   
"Suit yourself."   
  
Logan and Scooter ventures forth into the dark recesses of the mansion and nothing seems out of the ordinary. That is,   
until they come across a weird looking guy. If guy's the operative word. It looks like it's being made out of metal.   
It's sitting at a table and is...sewing?   
  
When they approach it senses them and turns to face them.   
  
"Hello Gentlemen. My name is Kryten, service mechanoid 2X4B at your service."   
"What are you doing down here?" Scooter asks.   
"That's quite a story. I was once manufactured by the late Erik Lensherr to do his housekeeping and in one of the   
endless fights between him and the X-men I was confiscated and locked away here in the cellar, together with my   
companion in the other room. He's not quite as content as I am with being down here though. May I offer you my services   
to do all your chores?"   
  
Logan doesn't answer and just goes into the next room. And stops. Shell-shocked. Sabretooth is in there. But he's   
not acting or looking like his ordinary self. In fact, if he once was acting like his namesake now he is more acting   
like your common household kitten. A household kitten in a very sharp suit but still. And primping himself, the way   
cats usually do it.   
  
Logan just turns around in disgust when Sabretooth notice him.   
"Well, who do we have here. If it isn't the monkey?" Then he runs past him and up into the mansion.   
  
"Just swell" Logan thinks. "An overgrown housecat and a overly polite anroid on my hands too."   
  
  
  
He sighs and follows them up into the mansion and when he's in the kitchen he notice that Sabretooth, or Sabie as   
he now calls himself, has made himself comfortable and is enjoying a breakfast.   
  
A bowl of milk and cereal that he is lapping from. Apparently he has forgotten how to use a spoon.   
  
"What are you doing?"   
"Eating. What does it look like I'm doing?"   
"Making a mess?"   
  
Sabie looks up, fear evident in his eyes "A mess? No, no! What would all the other cats think of me!"   
"Use this instead" Logan says while he gives him a spoon.   
  
Sabie looks confused at first but soon enough gets the hang of using a spoon and when his meal is finished he jumps   
out with joy, licking Logan in gratitude before heading off for his nap. In the most comfortable sofa no less.   
  
Another sigh from Logan before he mutters "What did I ever do to derserve this?"   
  
Wheels makes his presence known and says "I warned you!"   
"Shut your stupid flat head you." Logan says going away to his room.   
  
What he notice there is pure hell. Kryten has obviously gone to the trouble of cleaning it up a little. Not a little. A lot.   
  
Logan groans at the pastel-coloured hell and asks   
  
"What did you do to my place."   
"Just a bit of tidying up, Sir."   
"What the...and what is this?" he says pointing to something on the table.   
"Your boxershorts, Sir."   
"No way these are my boxers. These bends."   
  
At that Logan leaves the room. This was just too much. 


End file.
